I'm back... yet again. :)
Tuesday, Nov. 11, 2003, 8:04 a.m.

Well, I've rearranged my schedule at work, originally to be able to help Anthony get out the door and not wake him up early since that was causing so many fights, but I figured, since I'm changing my hours anyway, why not give myself an extra 1/2 hour to write in the mornings? So, that's what I did.

We'll see how faithful I am about writing. You have no idea how appealing my bed looks this morning. But I know if I get in the habit of just crawling back into bed for the extra 1/2 hour, that I 'll never have time to write here. And, since this is so important to me, there goes the extra sleep time. I hope you appreciate the sacrifices I'm making for you! :) I don't know how I'll manage the posts that take me hours to write as far as thinking, etc. I may e-mail it to myself and add bits as I think about them during the day, but I'm not sure. I'll figure it out. :)

I really can't write from work anymore for multiple reasons: 1) I have too much freaking work to do! 2) I know that, as much as I talk about trying to only hop on here around my lunch and breaks, that's really not what I do. You have to admit that D-land is addicting! 3) I'm not comfortable with using my work time (essentially getting paid) to write, when that's not what I've been employed to do. Don't get me wrong, someday (like a lot of people in this place) I would adore being paid to write, but all this subterfuge and covering up and trying to justify what I'm doing at work when I know it's wrong, well... it's just not ok. I know that sounds cheesy, but it's the truth. My conscience has been prodding me for quite a long time now to quit writing at work, and, the inevitable result of that was fewer posts. It also made me realize just how much time I'd been spending at this place on work time. Which made me feel guiltier and also added to my stress level since I wasn't able to write about it.

When I was getting into work earlier than Anthony, I felt like I had to cover up what I did with my time when I first got home, so I would start cleaning or something and then not really have the time or inclination to write after that. Plus, there's the added detracting factor of the possibility that he might walk in at any given point. Like I said, he knows, more or less, that I keep this thing, but he's not very happy about it. I don't like feeling like I'm going behind his back, and that meant that I was even less inclined to write in the afternoons...

But in the mornings, now, this is a whole different story. It's not the same as getting up early, since I'll already be up packing lunches, etc. and just have a little more time by myself afterward, so I'm somewhat more motivated to write versus sleep. (I know this because I tried to drag my butt out of bed early in the morning to write and later to exercise. Let's just say, the result wasn't pretty!)

Anyway, this seems to be the best possible solution to all the things that were keeping me from writing on D-land at home. So, the good news is, I'm back. :) And hopefully going to be sticking around for quite a while. :) Mwah!

P.S. I know I've been terrible about responding to notes, comments and e-mails. This should improve soon. :) Thanks for your patience and love!

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