Excerpts from my trip to LA
Saturday, Feb. 08, 2003, 11:47 a.m.

I saw a license plate on the way down to LA. BNLF 2. And all I could think was, "Bean elf? What's a bean elf? Is that kind of like the tooth fairy? If I leave some beans under my pillow, will the bean elf come and leave me quarters? And the 2nd? So, what, your dad in his bean elf wisdom decided to grace you with his name?" Then I realized that the plate was probably intended to read, "Be an elf, too."

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Mountain? Did I just call those mountains? Oh, my friends and family in Colorado would be ashamed! Mountains, indeed! It really is lovely country, though, so green, the rolling hills heading in all directions.

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"Please show me your hooters. I dare you." -Posted on the back of a semi-trailer on I-5.

I want to see a sign like that when I'm 70 with old-woman boobs that are wrinkley and sag to my belly button. "You want to see hooters, eh, sonny? I'll show you hooters you won't forget! The horror of it will be emblazoned on your retinas for the rest of your life! Ha ha ha ha ha!" *evil old woman cackle*

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