Help me, God. It hurts.
Monday, Jan. 20, 2003, 8:35 a.m.

Oh, God, I hurt. Lord, I need you to hold me close right now.

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Dear “Family”,

It has been a long time since we have had any contact. I received an e-mail that was not a joke but an actual letter. Asking us to be a part of the Christmas Exchange. This is my explanation as to why I did not wish to be a part of any family activity.

We were accused of the unthinkable by a letter we were not allowed to see or answer. Our “Family” believed it. The bombardment of calls and harassment by one side of the family was unbelievable. We no longer answer the phone, we screen all our calls or return messages. The other side of the family just stopped all communications with us, but the word sure got around to everyone else. When we stood fast by the truth we were abandoned by all. No calls, no letters, but worst of all no support when it was needed most. I take that back, Nick received one package the month after this all started and I sent it back in anger. We have received a few letters from Theresa and e-mails from others, but seldom personal, mostly just forwarded jokes. For more than twenty-three months we have been alone except for the support from Susan Hallstead and Jan Popovitch. Since you did not stand up for us then, your silence was taken as agreement.

I lost my daughter, my mother, my sisters, my in-laws and all nieces, nephews and cousins in one day. From a lie, not something we could fix, prove wrong or even defend against with no direct accusation. The grief was almost more than I could bear. The thought of suicide was a constant companion for more than a year. The only thing that kept me existing was the love, of the four of us, holding each other together. THEN A LETTER CAME TO EXONERATE US, again we were not allowed to see or answer. I was told I would at lease be able to see the letters, they were NEVER received.

Now the holidays are here and we have been asked to be a part of the “Family” by Theresa and Mary.

Where were you when we needed support? How will you look at Larry and tell him you’re sorry you believed he was capable of doing those things? How will you look at Bill and me and tell us your sorry you thought we were capable of just standing around and letting those unthinkable things go on? Where were you when Bill was crushed and broke down? How can you explain to Nick that you thought those awful things happened but did not worry if he was ok for the last twenty-three months? Where were you when Nick turned 18? Where were you when I went through yet another surgery? Did you hold me when I was told that my legs are losing all feeling and there is nothing they can do about it but braces and try to manage the pain? Am I just to forget?

Larry was wronged. Not one person has apologized to him. Not one person has asked what it would take to make him ok with the “Family”. Bill was wronged. No attempt has been made to apologize to him until this e-mail. Nick has lost so much and understands none of it. No attempt has been made to make him feel better or understand. I have been crushed, with no attempt to make things right. If or when an apology does come how we choose to respond should be our choice not because someone else is ready for the holidays. Our “Family” knew us so well they thought we were capable of something so completely out of our character. A letter to me and a call to Bill does not correct, us being wrongly accused.

I do not want to be part of a “Family” that can turn their backs on us with not even a call to ask our side. We have done nothing wrong. The price we paid for standing by the truth was the loss of all our “Family”.

I was banished and wish to stay that way. Please don’t ruin another holiday for us. When you are treated badly by friends or strangers you make sure that person is not part of your life and can not hurt you again. Why because of bloodlines should I allow the four of us to be treated this way? and come back for more? I don’t think so.

Kathlene Marie Hower

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P.S. This letter is from my mom. I got it via e-mail this morning when I came in. My mom hasn't made an effort to talk to me in...almost 2 years. I've spoken with her a few times--always with me calling, or going to see her (in Colorado, no less), or e-mailing. I wasn't expecting this. I don't quite know how to handle it. Part of me is so angry at the blatant guilt trip she's putting us on...and part of me is devastated at what I have caused. Thank you for the support--comments, e-mails, etc. It's greatly appreciated.

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