Lock Up and Template change
Saturday, Jan. 17, 2004, 11:43 p.m.

So, I've locked it up. I've been talking about doing it for a while... This isn't a freak out, don't worry... it's something I've thought about for quite a while, and there are good reasons for it. (Oh, I'm so pleased with the new layout! I've been wanting to fuss with it for ever so long!) Anyway... the reasons?

1) I can't seem to get out of writing for other people. This is the biggest one, the most important one for me. A few select folks will still be allowed to peruse this (so if you're one of them, feel very special), but on the whole, this has turned into something other than it was originally intended, and I'm not satisfied with it. I feel guilty for not writing--not because I'm not keeping the commitment I made to myself to write at least weekly, but because I feel like I'm letting someone down...

2) I'm planning on getting into some of the more serious issues about my life... not just the "this is what happened" with a little bit of "this is what I felt", and not told as a story, not distancing it from myself... figuring out what happened, see if I can analyze it, myself, the other people involved... maybe get a clearer look at why my family is so screwed up... And honestly, that's some serious soul-searching that I'm not really comfortable sharing with all and sundry.

3) Now that I'm all married, I worry about Anthony stumbling across my diary and having that cause fights because a) I let other people read this but not him, b) some of the things I've written in here are... um... a little harsh and would hurt him, c) this is my venting space and it's not something for him.

4) Well... I guess that's about it, after all. But three reasons are good enough. Maybe I'll unlock it again at some point, when I'm back to writing for me, because the other two reasons are not so important to me, but I'm not sure.

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